I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i believe in u and ur pee
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
