I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
