i would punch a child for taco bell
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
