Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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