Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
