then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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