Are we in a gay sports bar?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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