I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
