peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
