He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
