our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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