I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
