I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
