yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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