OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize