I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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