Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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