I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
