Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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