What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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