Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
