new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
