I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
