a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
