It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
