wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
