How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
