i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
