Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
