"it" just moved
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
