don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
