Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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