i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
