I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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