I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
