So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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