I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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