btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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