Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize