Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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