I wannas sexs uuuuu
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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