Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sext me about skeletons
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
