so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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