She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize