I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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