There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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