remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
