The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
