Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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