# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
