i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
