life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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