We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My liver just had a heart attack.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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