Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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