I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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