I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
