Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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