Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
