:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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