batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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