I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
