dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
