Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
