I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
