SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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