There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This is classic penis vs brain.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
