Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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