i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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